Jobless and soon to be Homeless

So here I am.....Jobless, boyfriendless, tired and old. How do I get out of this funk? My life has taken some very bad turns but it always seem to work out. I have done it all and been everywhere and today I sit in a home, I will probably lose soon, watching my grandbabies because the children I raised can't take care of themselves. My boyfriend could'nt handle it so I lost the most important man in my life. I guess the whole richer poorer, sickness and health thing has been debunked. I have been married three times and none of them could handle the fact that my children always came first. Does that make me a bad person? I have no confidence anymore and can't find a job. I have two degrees..one in computers and one in business. I have been in the military, a singer, secretary, hair dresser, stock broker, manager, IT manager, owned my own business (for a very short period of time), and a waitress among other things. I have done it all for my kids. I have over $30,000 in school loans and am about to go back school just to pay for my house. I had three marriages and left with nothing and did'nt care. I would make it on my own. I finally worked hard enough to buy a house that no one could kick us out of (except for maybe the morgage company) and I am afraid I may loose that. My kids are doing a pretty good job of paying for most of the bills which is a good thing but soon my unemployment will run out and I will be moneyless too. I just turned 49 and swore that I would be in better shape at 50 than I was at 30. I use to run but can't seem to do that anymore....last summer I started working out and lost 15 lbs and felt great then...I got into a funk and gained it all back during the holidays. I took a temporary job for about 3 weeks working 7 day 12 hour days..It wore me out so bad that I can't sleep now without constant joint pain.

This person is not me, even my boyfriend told me when he met me I was so positive. I don't like not being able to take care of myself. It makes me crazy! Before things just always seem to work out for me. I have never done anything illegal in my life but a few years ago, I was so desparate to make some money to pay my mortgage that I did something really stupid and got caught. Now for the first time in my life, I have a record and no one will hire me. I was so ashamed. I was offered several jobs but the minute they looked at my background check they took back the offer. It's so depressing to be defined by one mistake. I have never done anything in my life and have no record until now. Now I understand why criminals keep being criminals because no one will give them a break. I have tried to hold up my head and keep trying but its too depressing to be accepted than rejected over and over again.

I have had a very wonderful and interesting life and have been through many trials including two abusive husbands...That didn't ever stop me from picking my self up and succeeding. But this thing I have no control over. I have seriously thought about starting a program for first time offenders that places them in good jobs. It would be like adopting a felon or something. If I could convince companies that they could benefit by being a part of this program, it might work. With me, I would do anything for a company, work any hours for a decent pay check. I was making $26.00 /hr and now can't get a fast food job! I believe there are a lot of people out there in the same situation. Most of them probably go back to crime in order to pay their bills. But I refuse to do that. I know I will get out of this funk. I just hope it's soon.

Well till next time. Maybe if anything, I have made you realize how great your life is.

Stephanie